Understanding People Pleasing and the Fawn Response in Relationships

For many, people-pleasing isn’t just about being kind or considerate—it’s a survival strategy. The fawn response is when our nervous system learns to keep us safe by putting others first, smoothing over conflict, or staying agreeable at all costs.

At one time, this response may have helped you feel secure in difficult relationships or environments. But over time, it can leave you feeling exhausted, unseen, or unsure of what you truly need. You might find yourself automatically saying “yes” when your heart longs to say “no,” or carrying the weight of responsibility for other people’s feelings.

Healing doesn’t mean letting go of your caring nature. Instead, it’s about learning to extend that same care to yourself—listening inward, honoring your boundaries, and trusting that you are worthy of love and belonging just as you are.

Sound familiar? Try these exercises below:

Grounding Breath

When you notice yourself slipping into people-pleasing, pause and take three slow breaths.

• Inhale: “I am here.”

• Exhale: “I am safe. ”Repeat until you feel a little more settled. Even a few breaths can help your body remember that you don’t need to earn your safety right now.

  
  

2. Boundary Visualization

Close your eyes and imagine a gentle light surrounding you, like a soft shield. This light represents your boundaries—protective yet flexible. Visualize saying “yes” to what feels nourishing and “no” to what feels draining, trusting that this light helps you stay true to yourself while still caring for others.

3. Self-Compassion Check-In

At the end of your day, ask yourself:

• Where did I override my own needs today?

• Where did I honor them?

• Offer yourself kindness for the moments that felt hard, and gratitude for any small steps toward listening inward.